Monday, November 5, 2007

Neurotypicals as Romantic Partners (humor)

Individuals with neurotypicalism have an intense desire for love and companionship, but their sensory and cognitive limitations, their need for indirect, stereotyped, or socially acceptable communication, and the overwhelming intensity of their desires can all lead to difficulties in establishing healthy, stable relationships. An estimated 50-60% of all Neurotypical marriages end in divorce, and countless dating and cohabitation relationships fail to remain stable enough to develop into marriage.

There is some debate over whether Neurotypicals are truly capable of loving an individual, or are only able to act out social rituals and demand emotional displays and support in order to feed their need for a sense of security and connection. Many people, however, report that Neurotypicals can be loyal and caring partners, if their special communication and emotional needs are properly accommodated. Loving a Neurotypical is hard work, but if you can brave it, you may be one of the few people who can provide a genuine version of the care, support, and connection that Neurotypicals crave deep down but often only manage to superficially simulate on the surface in their broken relationships with one another.

Neurotypicals are often unable to understand another individual's need for comfort and space, due to their sensory hypo-sensitivity and strong drive for interpersonal contact. They may overwhelm their partner with excessive physical affection, sexual advances, conversation, and insistence on spending time together. The partner of the Neurotypical may be driven to wits' end trying to meet the Neurotypical's insatiable needs.

Neurotypicals also frequently fail to understand simple actions, such as continuing to stay with the partner and perform basic tasks like sex and house-cleaning, as expressions of true love. The Neurotypical often needs specific, socially popular expressions of love, like fresh flowers, the words "I love you," a surprise date on the anniversary of when the two of you started being romantically involved with one another, and excessive moaning and groaning and flattery during sex, in order to really understand that she or he is loved. To keep your Neurotypical happy, try scheduling a specific time in the day or week, or a specific date such as a birthday or anniversary, on which you will provide a specific token of love, such as flowers, moaning and flattery during sex, or the words "I love you."

Remember, however, that not all Neurotypicals respond equally well to the same stereotyped gestures of love, and that their communication impairments make it difficult at times for them to tell you exactly which gestures make them feel the most loved, because they feel that you should "just know" these things. Experiment with different gestures, and watch the Neurotypical's response.

Neurotypicals can also be extremely moody and fickle, and may respond to one gesture of love one day but not respond to the same gesture of love the next day. Remind your Neurotypical partner that it is okay to ask for what they want, and that their need to ask is not an indication that you do not love them, and do your best to accommodate your Neurotypical partner's needs of the moment.

Also be aware that the primary gesture of love that reassures a Neurotypical the most could be something entirely outside your awareness of what you are doing. Try to open communication with your Neurotypical partner in order to understand what you are doing that makes them feel loved, and how you can do it more often, or whenever the Neurotypical needs it.

14 comments:

Chuck said...

Please give the clinical definition of "Neurotypical"?

reform_normal said...

(My post was a joke. What's below is also a joke.)

Neurotypicalism is a syndrome characterized by excessive reliance on specific popular nonverbal communication techniques, sensory flatness or dullness, and difficulty with detail and repetition. Its classical form is also associated with hypersocial behavior, but the Neurotypical spectrum also includes milder forms that are not hypersocial.

Chuck said...

My question is,

Is Neurotypical a physiological or psychological term?

There is a very distinct difference.

reform_normal said...

hmm...that is a good question. I would venture to say it's more physiological, because you can be neurotypical without having a classically neurotypical temperament. In my view, the core of neurotypicalism lies in cognition and perception, which are rooted in the wiring of the brain. You can lack the hypersocial tendencies and even the over-reliance on nonverbal communication and still be fundamentally neurotypical if you can wear scratchy shirts without going insane, miss fine details, and have a low need for order and routine in your life.

Chuck said...

You say it is more physiological and yet “cognition and perception” are not solely based on physiology. They are more psychologically defined criteria.

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Wife of Aspie said...

This is the BEST description I've read in all of my searching on the web. I love my husband but he exasperates me to no end. I keep reading and trying to understand him. I am intuitive so know he is a good man, but his behaviors are painful and I struggle BIG TIME. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

wife of an Aspie

Paper on Steroids said...

I know this post is older & this comment is newer, but I HAD to say this:
My Aspie Husband listened when I read this post to him & we both cracked up. You see, we live your life, obviously.
It is sweet to know that there are others "who know"...
We love our life, him being Aspie, me NT...
never let it get you down!
Keep on humoring yourself... that is the only way! lol
:)
Thanks! (wife of an Aspie, also)

Unknown said...

Good read. Thanks for sharing.


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Violetaxvioleta said...

I read your comment... althouhg it has humour, i can only see pain...

Unknown said...

Amazing. Even though you meant it as humor, this has helped me understand my partner just a little better. Thank you

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