Former autistics?

The orthodoxy among most of the autism bloggers I tend to read (mostly via lurking the Hub), especially those who identify as autistic themselves, is that people do not stop being autistic when they grow up; they just develop and adapt to their strengths and weaknesses like anyone else does.

This subject is interesting to me, because my boyfriend could probably be considered a "former" autistic, depending on how you define autistic. If it requires diagnosis or diagnosability by a medical professional, then technically speaking my self-diagnosed boyfriend is in all probability a "former" autistic. After all, he did fail to get an official diagnosis from a professional, who told him that he didn't seem like that professional's Asperger patients.

However, despite the degree to which he has obvious autistic traits or the ability to hide them, his history of autistic traits is a huge part of his past, and his past is a huge part of who he is now, especially given his long-standing (but lessening in the last few years) tendency to fixate on it and long for the authoritative certainty, freedom from responsibility, and special interests he enjoyed in childhood. Had he not grown up with autistic traits, he wouldn't be the person he is now. His comfortably-paying career grew out of his childhood passionate interests; his limited palate grew out of his childhood sensory sensitivities; his charming naivete grew out of his past and continuing difficulty catching onto the political games neurotypical people play; and his past and continued persistence at problem-solving and ability to easily think in text made him something of a wizard at pinball, board games, puzzles, and some video games requiring exquisite concentration.

The combination of past and present autistic traits also affects important day-to-day interactions - for instance, he has trouble understanding dark or cynical humor, seeing it as a sign of the person being upset and feeling a need to fix the upset in case it is or will become directed at him, when in fact the other person (usually me) is effectively using the dark humor to handle any negative emotions and doesn't really need anything to be fixed.

So, regardless of whether a person with spectrum traits fits the criteria to be formally diagnosed with a spectrum condition or not, autism is still very much a part of who these people are. So in that sense, autism is for life even if the outward symptoms are not, and well-adjusted and possibly subclinical adults referring to themselves as autistic or aspie are not entirely off-base in doing so. But, technically speaking, people with spectrum traits can lose or experience a great reduction in the strength of a number of those traits over time, and so would never have the "legitimacy" of official diagnosis to help cover their backs if people challenge their authenticity as people who have lived on the spectrum. (Not that that would stop the most adamant "shut this person up" voices from questioning the autistic person's authenticity or right to speak anyway.)

As for some people who seem to "outgrow" their autism while still children, it's possible that what they had was not like most of what is called autism - the kid was misdiagnosed, or had some quirk with short-lived autistic-like qualities that nobody has a name for yet.

And what if a person has a history of autism but is subclinical or nearly so as an adult, and does not want to identify as autistic? They certainly have the freedom to choose what they want to be called. Maybe they will decide later that their history of autism is important to who they are now, but there's probably no use trying to push that decision on them.

Why I Call Myself Normal

Because, frankly, it's a dime a dozen these days to declare yourself "different" for the chic factor. And it's also something that I'm ordinarily quite tempted to do: I'm attracted to that whole counterculutre chic thing and have a strong narcissistic desire for a distinguished identity.

I'm also trying to emphasize the heterogeneity of the category, so as to weaken it and blow the stereotypes. If a narrow and exclusive definition of "autistic" is problematic, I think a narrow and exclusive definition of "normal' or "neurotypical" is also problematic. In fact, I think a lot of the problem with modern neuro-psycho-politics is that the definition of normal is becoming more and more exclusive (and going too much in the dangerous direction of superficial charm, ignorance as bliss, and materialistic ambition), and salespeople are selling more and more quackery to get more and more people to re-enter the shrinking fold of normalcy.

As I was writing the paragraph above, I had some flashbacks of reading a post or two on ballastexistenz discussing the things people assume about Amanda Baggs (the author of the ballastexistenz blog) based on either her online or her offline presence, or random facts like not speaking. They assume things like she'd been in an institution all her life, that she learned to type before she learned to talk, that she cannot do anything that her speaking autistic friends can't do, etc.

And I thought of the assumptions people might have about me, based on my self-identity as neurotypical or normal:

-I had an easy time in school and was never bullied, and might have even been a bully myself. (I was picked on aplenty.)

-I never required any kind of special services or special attention. (I had shrinks, counsenling, and some kind of affiliation with the special ed program in my school, for unexplained neurotic behavior patterns.)

-I've never been suspected of or diagnosed with any kind of neurodifference. (I was diagnosed with ADD at age 13. But I don't feel ADD really has any substance behind it, and I also don't see symptoms in myself anymore, so I strongly suspect the diagnosis was a mistake, a product of the fad.)

-I am hypersocial. (There are introverted NTs, you know.)

-I am only comfortable with polite, indirect communication. (I've been accused of being too blunt, and socially inept, all my life.)

-I liked hugs and kisses from my family as a kid. (Hated it. And they made fun of me for it too, making it even worse.)

-In my relationship with my Aspie boyfriend, I often feel starved for affection. (Quite the opposite. He's TOO affectionate sometimes.)

I did not have the stereotypical "normal" childhood. When I was 12 or so (sometime before the ADD diagnosis, which I believed in up until about a year or two ago, because there seemed to be nothing else to explain my quirks and problems as a kid), I wondered whether I was normal or crazy, 'cause I seemed to be neither. I was instant messenging with my little sister the other night, showing her this blog and the AS And Their Partners forum, and reading the latter, she said she would describe me as more "NQ" (neuro-questionable or neuro-quirky, neither neurotypical nor autistic) than "NT." I could claim my difference, make a big deal out of it, and wear it as a badge of honor if I wanted to. "Look at me! I'm a nonconformist!"

But the differences that people wear proudly on a regular basis, like being a nerd or a hippie or an artsy person or some relatively rare Myers-Briggs Personality Type, are actually pretty much still normalcy anyway. If non-conformism or countercultureness were truly "abnormal," you wouldn't see the kind of playful intergroup rivalry and narcissistic parading that you do, you'd see widespread, blatant, volatile prejudice and fear. People would react to these normal people who reject the "normal" label in much the same way they react to people with mental retardation or other obvious neurological disabilities, or people with birth defects, dwarfism, or other physical deformities. Only very sheltered people would react to the purple-haired chain-wearing pierced-nosed teenage punk in a way comparable to how they'd react to people with physical and neurological disabilities.

So there's no way out of the fact that I'm normal. I might as well embrace the label. And to be honest, I probably wouldn't want a way out of it either. Being able to fit in and obey the social norms to a safe degree and fly under the radar makes life a lot easier. I may want to parade my nerdiness every now and then or share some of my minor eccentricities like my love of hot humid evenings, but whenever I felt like I'd REALLY be considered "screwed-up" if I shared something, I've tended to hold back until I overcame that fear. Yes, I actually *like* having the "normal" shell to hide in. I am a conformist when it suits me to be one, instinctively making use of my "normal privilege."

So now, it's time to narcissistically parade my utter lack of difference.

Aspie-quiz results, old version:
AS: 48
NT: 132

Newest version:
AS: 49
NT: 151

Look at Me! I'm a flaming Normie!